I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
