Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
