my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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