Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
