did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
