I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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