Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
