how can u be prego again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize