im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
