I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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