If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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