The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
