You just made me feel so damn special
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
