Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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