Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
