I'm gonna have a badass scar
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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