You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
