Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
