A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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