I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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