she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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