Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
