Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
someone owes me an orgasm
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
