I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
