Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
