So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
