My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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