Can Purell be used as lube?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
