jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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