isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
