dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
