apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize