and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
