He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
