rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
