I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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