I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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