The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's blow job season.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
