Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
