Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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