There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Success! We fucked roommates!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
