u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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