After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize