Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
