the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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