I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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