My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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