I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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