chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize