onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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