I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
