The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
