Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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