I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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