what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
