Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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