I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
