So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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