I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
