your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize