I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
