cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
