Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
