Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
