I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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