I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize