I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
