Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
