I just made out with a guy for $7.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
