Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
