I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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