If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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