hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
