CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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