I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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