and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize