she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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