Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
