Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
