like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
