I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize