im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm at about main and main street
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
