Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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