its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
