recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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