hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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