New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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