my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
