Plan B is the new Plan A
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
