You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
