i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
