I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
