Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
