dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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