I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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