My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
