remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
