weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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