I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
