Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
