thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
