She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
