I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Rumble strips road head = magical
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
