This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
